My limerick has two halves: (1) the first half describes companies with problems since they have not adopted analytics-based enterprise performance management methods and systems; and (2) the second half describes companies that have. Each of the two sets of limericks describes four key functional roles in this order:
- CIO (chief information officer).
- CFO (chief financial officer).
- CMO (chief marketing officer).
- CEO (chief executive officer).
C-Suite Business Analytics Limericks
There once was a CIO from Mord (Inc.)
Whose analysts were usually bored.
They had no BI tools,
And looked like fools.
So to other employers they soared.
There once was a CFO with Weens (Inc.)
Whose accountants simply counted the beans.
The users doubted reporting accuracy and reliability,
And made bad decisions with such poor visibility.
His company became smithereens.
There once was a CMO with Gayling (Inc.)
Whose idea for marketing campaigns was a mass mailing.
It had no insight of customer needs,
So its CRM analysts were lost in the weeds.
No wonder his company was failing.
There once was a CEO with De Supplement (Inc.)
Who hired VPs who were incompetent.
With no strategy map, balanced scorecard or KPIs,
Any evidence of accountability was just lies.
So into bankruptcy it ultimately went.
There once was a CIO with Diamittix (Inc.)
Whose users embraced analytics.
They could hypothesize, test and explore,
Yielding insights and great decisions galore.
There was no problem they couldn’t fix.
There once was a CFO with Treasure (Inc.)
Who understood the right things to measure.
Customer profitability analysis and forecasts were spot on,
So good they were relied upon.
And company teamwork became a pleasure.
There once was a CMO from Tritation (Inc.)
Who leveraged his customer information.
It could mine data and provide predictions
That gave deep insights without contradictions.
The result was his company’s salvation.
There once was a CEO from Victament (Inc.)
Who installed analytics-based performance management.
She created a culture of metrics and facts
That aligned everyone’s performance to the max.
It was her career’s shining accomplishment.
Gary Cokins is an internationally recognized expert, speaker, and author in advanced cost management and performance improvement systems. He is principal consultant of global business advisory services involved with performance management solutions with SAS, a leading provider of performance management and business analytics software headquartered in Cary, North Carolina. Gary received a BS degree with honors in Industrial Engineering/Operations Research from Cornell University in 1971. He received his MBA from Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management in 1974.
Gary began his career as a financial controller and operations manager for FMC Corporation, and he has been a management consultant with Deloitte, KPMG, and Electronic Data Systems (EDS). Gary’s third book, Activity Based Cost Management: An Executive’s Guide has ranked #1 in its topic on Amazon.com. He has written Activity Based Cost Management in Government (ISBN 1-056726-110-8). His two most recent books are Performance Management: Finding the Missing Pieces to Close the Intelligence Gap (ISBN 0-471-57690-5) and Performance Management: Integrating Strategy Execution, Methodologies, Risk, and Analytics (ISBN 978-0-470-44998-1).
Mr. Cokins can be reached at [email protected] .